SPIRITUAL JUNKYARD

Artist Jacek Yerka
www.yerkaland.com

I first heard of this expression "spiritual junkyard", reading through Choegyam Trungpa's book "Cutting through spiritual materialsm". The Titel triggered my attention and has now become my reading, day and night.

Spiritual Junkyard? Mmmhh...somehow this naming feels familiar. I guess it is time to look in the mirror and confess: Yes, I am a spiritual junkie, but in practicie of quitting my addictive searching. Looking around my room I see the mirror of my inner self. Desperately on the quest to find the Holy Grail, Life. This realization started, I guess, about three years ago during a difficult cycle of inner dying to my world of illusion. I'd say my ego definitely had been misusing my fascination for the Mysteries of Life, twisting the knowledge found, only to it's own benefit. Working hard and tricky to keep control over it's built up existence. But within I felt, the knowledge of other seekers does not belong to me but to them. They are merely hints that there is more then what I believe. Their path of wisdom is theirs, not mine. Wisdom is gained by embracing the facts of Life, by relating with Life as is given. Here I gain the wisdom I seek, the nectar of the Holy Grail.

The inner Death I then experienced, lifted a veil from my eyes and instantly a part of the ego was erased. This part was how I related to the world and to my Being. I believed the universe turned around me, myself and I. The world was OUT there and I was here (where?), completely alone. At the same time I sensed within, this perspective just can't be true. Why do I see sadness and fear, but dream of compassion and love? Why do I see suffering and judgement, but wish happiness and peace? Why is life and the world so insane? Where is my true Home? Outside is a brutal world, I don't belong here. All these questions and searching for answers became the egos weapons; it's demons which turned the beauty of spirituality into a playground of toys. All the toys, the spiritual junk I had collected during those moments of despair, kept me from drowning in the world I believed was truth, but it did not bring peace. This inner Death experience, lifted a veil of fixed beliefs from my eyes and opened up a whole new perception of my Being and Life. My greatest teacher during that time was my Life Companion and still is.

Thank you dear love.

Lake O'Hara, Yoho Nat.Park, B.C.

pic Rolf Mitchner

From then on I related more openly with the world, less fear and not so judgemental. Of course I stormed my favourite bookstore and read anything which described this experience, words of wisdom. It made me feel less lost and lonely. I recycled many books from my life now left behind, books which were written for younger seekers. I felt good and somehow not, the excitement to dive into exploring this new sight of perception and also asking, will this ever end. So here I am 3years later looking around my room and notice: not again, now what?

from the net, ztrainer

Choegyam Trungpa says:
Proper shopping does not entail collecting a lot of information or beauty, but it involves fully appreciating each individual object.

I had a recent discussion with a friend of mine, about finding the time to do all the things one wishes to do. To finish projects put aside waiting, to read books gathering dust, to meet up with some friends or go out for a walk. Especially time for the "to does" which inspire our Being. Oh, how I heard my heart acknowledging her desire.

Reading through my momentarly book-companion (mentioned above) I came upon this discussion written within:

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Questionaire:

How can I make my spiritual junkyard into a simple room with one beautiful object?

CT:
...start with one item. One has to find a stepping-stone, a source of inspiriation.

If we could manage to start with just one thing, then that would be the equivalent of having one object in an empty room.

One has to allow one's instinct to determine which will be the first thing to pick up.

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Well...I guess you can imagine what was going through my mind and heart!

I see unfinished paintings and collages, I see pictures to sort out and to file, heaps of unread books, I see medicine drums calling to be painted and drummed alive, I see bills, letters, cleaning, writing, projects over projects, a non-ending 'to do's'. You know it made me really feel overwhelmed and sick. Now perceiving my room after reading these words lifted up another veil of perception. All what I saw felt worthless, heaps of junk, at first sight. I felt lost. Instantly I had the urge to just throw everything away, how easy, eh? No, of course not! Alot of what I saw was dear to me, I just didn't appreciate it's individual beauty. Like a child, playing with a new toy and just to leave it a few minutes later, to be forgotten. Another toy attracts the attention and so on. Collecting things, creating a junkyard of treasures of beauty, over and over again. It made we feel defeated and once again I realized, I don't know a thing!

I noticed my Being is tired of collecting stories and wisdom of other peoples lifes, it is theirs not mine. It is time to seek within and to relate in the out, remembering the wisdom of my being. I feel a little bit more grown up today, a little bit older and for sure some more silver hairs. My spiritual junkyard is in process of becoming less aswell as the list of "things to do". Thank goodness, bless spring cleaning!

Artist:

Susan Seddon Boulet

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A Questionnaire asks Chogyam Trungpa with regards having a guru:

"So who are you following, more or less?"

C.T. answers:

"Situations are the voice of my guru, in the presence of my guru."

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These words sound very wise and true. I think I'll try them out.
Blessed be,

Janine xo